Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
