After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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