My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize