Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
