what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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