I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
