When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
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