Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize