He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
