Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
