if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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