cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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