i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
