I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
