I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
