I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
