he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
