Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
