Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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