You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
