I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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