Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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