I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
