YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
