I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
