at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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