He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
