It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
