some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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