Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
