I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
