CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
