I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
