One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
