Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
