my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
