My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
