I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
