is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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