she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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