Ambien. No doubt about it.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
