who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
