How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
