Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
