I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
