i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
this beer tastes like vomit already
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
