So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
