someone get that fucking seahorse.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
