I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
