you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
