"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
