Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
