We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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