I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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