i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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