I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I'm passing your future prison.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
