I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize