i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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