exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
