i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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