But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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