U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
