opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
