textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
